The news hit me hard last night.
I would never say Anthony Bourdain was a hero of mine. I feel like I’m too old and perhaps a bit too cynical to have those. Instead, he was more like an inspiration and a source of hope. That you can come from a personal rock bottom and climb your way up to achieve anything. That despite your demons, depression, anxiety, and fear, you can make it.
I loved his first book. I read it and listened to it on audio book. To me, it was a humbling mix of self-deprecation, humor, sarcasm, and love of In-n-Out. He talked about his addiction to heroin and beating it. Although, he still drank. In AA, this is not considered sober; something of which M’s brother always railed against. It did bother me in a way, after being in the program, and I even brought his name up a few times in group. Did I think I could do that? No way. And yet, he TV show was only one of the two shows I continuously DVR’d.
It is too early to know all the circumstances, and perhaps we will never know. I don’t feel hopeless after this, just a little less hopeful.