When Mom and Dad decide it is time to separate, there is always the discussion of how to share the kids. (See: me.) This, of course, isn’t limited to small humans – which, I imagine, adds a layer of complexity that so far above my ability to understand.
Still, a human childless couple that has a dog or dogs, this makes a bit of drama to an already stressful situation. When my ex-wife left me, we had no human babies, but we had Clemmie – a beautiful English Bulldog that we had raised from a puppy. At first, I didn’t like that little shit. She chewed my furniture. She was my first dog. But then then the strangest thing happened, she grew on me, like she really grew on me. I fell in love – she was my girl and she was a daddy’s girl. After the divorce and after I bought my house, Clem came over a couple times. I loved this and I had bought one of her favorite toys – Hedgehog.
Still, at that moment in my life, I realized that I needed move on for my own mental health. Of course, this meant saying goodbye to this little girl that I had loved for so many years and in return she had loved me as dogs can only do. It was one of the toughest decisions I have ever made.
In the same sense, I miss Jake. At first, we didn’t mesh, but then he became my boy. He loved riding in my truck. He loved spazzing out in my backyard or sitting on the porch on Squirrel Watch. When I arrived at his home, he was genuinely excited to see me, as only dogs can.
And this brings me to Wubba.
Wubba was a toy that he loved. He had one here at my home and then at Mom’s home. Whenever Jake came over here, he’d come through the door and immediately look for his ‘Wubba.’ After weekend morning walks, he would snuggle up to the top of the couch and look at my front window with Wubba.
A few days ago, I looked into the dog crate I have, the one that Bea never uses, and realized Jake’s Wubba was in there. And then it hit me… very hard. He would never be back. He would never play with this Wubba again. He would never be on his perch with Wubba, It felt like another loss in my life.
Then I remembered I had Mr. Hedgehog from the days of when Clemmie was here. I never got rid of it. The toy had been stuck, out of sight and out of mind, above the kitchen cabinets. Do I add Wubba next to Hedgehog? A growing list of dogs I loved and failed relationships?
Of course, this just adds to the irony that, as the intel community puts it, fairly certain that my ex-wife still visits this blog. Which is nothing short of amazing, given I have never given her this URL. So follow me for a second: the last woman I dated and who proclaimed to be in love with me hasn’t been here or read my words in a very long time vs. a woman I haven’t spoke to in six or so years.
Color me confused. I don’t know what is up or down anymore. When someone tells you that they love you, how do you know it’s true?